Lyrics & Interpretations: When Your Phase is Gone

I have been through two divorces. The first time, about eleven years ago, we got married after five years together. The marriage somehow worked as a catalyst for her to realise that ‘this is not at all what I want’, and after four months the divorce was a fact. It was her decision. Last year I went through the same thing, as if she had borrowed the script from my previous script. Only now it was condensed. She knew that the most heartbreaking, traumatic experience I have been through as an adult was my marriage and divorce the first time around. Still, she felt that she had to do the same thing. But this time, we got married after ten years together, two kids, and three weeks after the marriage ceremony she said ‘I don’t want to live with you at all’. I wrote this song in the aftermath of my first divorce, but it holds very much true for the second one as well. The question I pose here is not ‘why did you leave me’ as much as ‘why did you have to do it in a way that takes nothing into account, except how you feel?’. Both these women were entirely driven by an inner emotional pressure, and felt compelled to act on that compulsion. The basic premise for this song is the question: Even if you in the end decide to act on your emotional compulsion, how can you not see what kind of damage and fall out will be created by actions entirely driven by that, not taking into account anything or anyone else? I don’t fault these women on leaving me, that’s not the issue. I fault the way they left, asking if that was truly necessary? What happens when your emotional phase ends, when that is gone? What then? It may very well be that you find it harder to live with yourself, and if so, is it really worth acting out of that seeming emotional compulsion? I think the problem with being in the hands of your emotions is that one day you will be in the hands of a completely different emotion. In fact, this is not something I think, but this is matter-of-factly. Emotions wax and wane like the phases of the moon, like the tide. Try holding on for dear life to an emotion, and you’ll soon see that regardless of your efforts, you’ll soon experience other emotions. Not seldom opposed ones. And what happens when that particular phase is gone? When you’ve acted in one phase, but are in another?
________
When your phase is gone
the faces gone
you’re all alone
now what have you done?
The battle won,
war wages on,
but the winning’s none.
You had the one,
who’d be your sun.
Now your phase is gone
How does it feel for you?
 
Now your phase is gone.
You seem to stun,
but feelin’ on the whole and sum.
 
The bells have run,
wont be undone.
Now what is to come?
 
You had someone
like whom there’s none
Now your phase is gone
How does it feel for you?
You had the one,
who’d be your sun.
Now your phase is gone
How does it feel for you?
_____________
”When Your Phase is Gone” is part of my debut album as Jonatan Bäckelie: ”Darkness On the Edge of Ecstasy” out now on Sonar Kollektiv!

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